Tonight, I experienced fear. I felt nervous, uncomfortable, stupid, and completely out of place. In the midst of talent far greater than my own, I strained to survive the allotted time of... worship team practice. Yes, tonight, I was freaking out over playing music with our worship leader and my youth pastor's wife. And yes, I asked for it. I wanted, and still want, to play on Sundays at my church. I've been playing my bass guitar at home for a while, and I've been getting better. Knowing that playing to a cd that came with my method book couldn't compare with playing along to a live band, though, I desired to bring my playing to the next level. I approached our worship leader, Mr. Kyle, and made my plea. He simply said "Bring your bass Wednesday." I was ecstatic. That was so easy! However, volunteering to play in a worship band may be compared to (if you have and imagination that verges on unhealthy) enlisting in the military. They'll let you in, but you'll earn everything you get through blood, sweat, toil, and tears.
I attempted to play along to the insanely easy-going chord progressions, but, as I soon found, it's no picnic (or walk in the park, piece of cake, cliche, cliche...). One song had me playing an F# to an E. I noticed the F# sounded terrible with the rest of the band. I inquired of Mr. Kyle about this phenomenon. Paraphrased, it went like this:
Me: "What's going on, when I play the F# it sounds awful(sounds the note)."
Mr. Kyle: "That's D#."
Me: "I promise I'm not stupid, just nervous."
Shamed-faced, I went back wiser to the song.
As much as I hated parts of this experience, it honestly wasn't that bad. It stretched my feeble knowledge of music, and as a result that knowledge grew. I felt weird, confused, and awkward; however, next time I'll feel less so. By the end of the practice, I was holding my own... at least sort of. It was the kind of experience that causes you to think, "Man, I'm terrible at this. I've just been wasting my time trying to learn such an elusive skill. I'm forever doomed to be completely inept at playing music." OK, so maybe nobody else thinks like that, but you get my drift. At the same time, though, I thought, "I know what to aim for now; I've pushed my limits, and I'm better for it." I'm resolved to keep this attitude; it makes me feel better.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus," Phillipians 2:5
