What Are You Waiting For?

I don't agree with how I live. I say things that I obviously don't mean. I do things I really don't want to do. I talk about the man I want to be, but so far, I'm not that man. I don't agree with how I live.

I'm eighteen, and I believe my best years are ahead of me, but I'm sick of waiting for them. I feel like I have become complacent. For reasons unknown, I have decided to accept the way things are. I have decided that society, bad experiences, and other people can tell me who I am and what my life has to become. I've decided that I just have to accept my faults or my situation or the evil in the world. Why? Someone, explain to me why the hell am I so passive? I don't agree with how I live.

This earth has seen millions of people doing life instead of living it. These people accepted the dominant thinking of their day, pursued only things to which that thinking assigned value, and generally made little difference in history. I don't want that. Those people experienced the philosophy of their day. I want to change the philosophy of my day. Those people were pleasant and content. I want to be excited and happy. Those people breathed oxygen. I want to breathe fire.

Up to now, I have been so damn scared--scared of rejection, scared to fail, scared to try. I can't live like that. I have, honestly, been scared to be as good as I can. I don't do things because I don't want to appear overly weak, overly strong, overly good, overly arrogant, overly quiet, overly smart, overly Christian. So I sit, paralyzed, and instead of doing anything, I wish, wait, or worry.

I can't take it anymore. I can't go another day saying "someday." Never again. Life is short. Life is good. Life is for living, and I'm going to while I have the chance. I'm coming out swinging.